3 AM Lucubration
by Dark Epiphany
Summary: Introducing my first fic...Yours truly (umm...Sylvan) wakes up to find she has a science exam. Her two Elves help...but one gets drunk and the other gets high. Hopefully hilarity will ensue. Please R/R...would bring a smile to my face :) *COMPLETE*
1. In Which Sylvan Wakes Up

Title: 3 AM Lucubration  
  
Summary: Sylvan wakes up at 3 AM to discover she did not study for her science exam. Hopefully, hilarity will ensue.  
  
Rating: PG for a drunk Drow, this same Drow getting beat over the head with a pillow, accidental nudity, and general eccentricity  
  
Disclaimer: Drizzt is not mine, he's R.A. Salvatore's. But I am jealous coz I didn't think of him first. And Haldir is JRR Tolkein's, despite how much I want him (Haldir, not JRR Tolkein, and not that way. So quit thinking it, all of you!, or I will get my flying monkeys on you all.) And I, of course, am property of myself. I'm making no money, just making people laugh.  
  
And now, for mass confusion and your enjoyment, on with the story.  
  
Ch I: 0300-0314  
Sylvan woke up and rolled over, looking at her clock and trying to understand the Roman numerals as she yawned.  
"Oh, man! 0300!" she groaned. Her noise woke the ebon-skinned, white haired Elf in the bottom of the bunk beds. He was the shorter of the two Sylvan had as roommates.  
"Sylvaaaaaan," the Drow whined. "Why are you uuuuup?"  
"I don't knooooooowuh. And quit whiniiiiiinguh!" The blonde Elf with milky brown skin sleeping in the top of the bunk beds groaned, having been awakened by the noise.  
"Mankoi naa llie kuile (why are y'all awake)?" Haldir asked without turning over, forgetting to speak in English.  
"I woke up for no good reason. Then Drizzt accidentally got woken up. And his whining woke you up. Now everyone is up, so let's all go back to sleep," Sylvan replied.  
"Good idea," Haldir mumbled, remembering to speak English this time, "besides, you've a science exam tomorrow."  
Sylvan jolted up out of bed, forgetting that for the hot Georgian nights she had slept with at little clothes as possible (aka: nude).  
"SCIENCE EXAM?!?!" she shouted. Haldir turned over and saw Sylvan's unclothed top.  
"Nice view," he commented to Drizzt.  
"I agree." Sylvan threw pillows at both of them, then grabbed someone's shirt (most likely Drizzt's because it was a bit small) out of the laundry hamper and pulled it on.  
"I forgot to study!" she exclaimed. Sylvan had jumped out of bed and pulled on a pair of shorts, also from the laundry basket. She then turned on her desk lamp, the sudden light blinding the Drow.  
"Aaaah!" he shouted, closing his eyes.  
"Sorry Drizzt angel, I forgot about the eyes," Sylvan said. For some strange reason she felt the need to run a brush through her hair and proceeded to do so. In the mean time Drizzt was freaking out.  
"I can't see!" he said, bordering hysterics. "I can't see! Allfather help me, I CAN'T SEE!" It was then that Haldir leaned over the rail on the bunk bed to look at Drizzt. He shook the panicked Drow's shoulders.  
"So open your eyes!"  
"Huh?" Drizzt blinked, thankful that his dark skin didn't show when he was blushing. "Oh.um.thanks." Haldir then pulled himself back into his own bed, pulling the blankets over his head and trying to go back to sleep.  
"You two must help me study," Sylvan said. She had sat down at her desk after parting her hair on the right side, as she always did, and was currently opening her laptop.  
"Must we?" Haldir moaned. Despite not wanting to leave the warm blankets of his bed, he got up and proved to be wearing only a pair of boxer shorts.  
"Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese," Sylvan begged. She gave both of the Elves her best puppy face. She even got up and edged closer to them both. The males exchanged a look that conveyed a single message: Sylvan had to be desperate.  
"Fine," Haldir agreed.  
"Yay!" Sylvan jumped up and down then threw her arms around Haldir, squeezing him so tight it had to be unhealthy. Drizzt got up as well. He at least had the decency to pull on a pair of pants from the laundry hamper before speaking.  
"Me too," he said. Sylvan then hugged Drizzt, allowing Haldir to regain his breath and wonder if she had shoved one of his ribs into a lung. Drizzt wiggled out of Sylvan's grasp and pointed at the chair. Obediently, Sylvan went to sit down. Haldir looked at Drizzt and realized that he was the only one that had very little on. He then invented a whole new shade of red to blush. "I guess I'll go make some coffee whilst Haldir gets dressed," Drizzt said.  
"Yeah," Haldir said. "And.I'll." he finally got his pants on and noticed that they belonged to Drizzt, which would explain why they didn't fit properly. He groaned and got them off, then pulled a pair of his own pants out of the laundry and put them on. "I'll get the SciBook disc." (Note: this year my sci teacher issued out little discs w/ our books. The disc was basically the same thing as the book, just with frills and I could keep it at home, meaning I wouldn't have to lug around a big, heavy, ugly red science book. Now, back to the mass confusion.erm.I mean story)  
"Umm, yeah." Sylvan said. She typed in the password to her laptop and it continued to load. "I'll just stay here and load up the lappy. And have.a.nervous.breakdown?"  
  
Hate it? Love it? Want Drizzt to get beaten over the head with a pillow? Well, he will anyway and I can't put the suggestions in this story simply because it is pre-written. Still, if you want to give me some ideas, I can work it into my NEXT fanfic. So.you know what to do 


	2. In Which An Elf Gets Drunk

Disclaimer: Haldir and Drizzt are property of their respective authors. In other words, no matter how much I love them, feed them, and put clothes on their backs they are not mine.  
  
Okay, so I got no feed back, so I figure I'll see if I get the public more to feedback upon I will have greater success. Ch II: 0315-0400  
"We all live in a yellow submarine," Drizzt sang drunkenly, pouring another cup of coffee.  
"Caffeine is not his friend," Haldir said, swatting Drizzt's hand away from the coffee pot and topping off his own and Sylvan's cup.  
"Agreed. Now, chapter thirteen section three: gems."  
"How many more?"  
"How many more what?"  
"Chapters?"  
"14-17, 20-23. That makes it eight more chapters." Haldir groaned.  
"I'm gonna diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiie," he complained. Drizzt grabbed the coffee pot and drained its contents, then stole Sylvan's cup and swapped it with his own, drinking all of her coffee as well.  
"You are? Can I come to the funeral?" Drizzt asked, stopping mid sip. Sylvan calmly got up, picked up a pillow, and began to beat the Drow over the head with it.  
"So-ber-up-you-sil-ly-drow!" she said, hitting him with each syllable. Drizzt just looked up at her and smiled.  
"Why are you hitting me?" he asked. Sylvan glared then looked to Haldir.  
"What are we going to do with him?" she asked. Haldir shrugged then jolted upright.  
"I think I am about to be brilliant!" he said.  
"Isn't that impossible for a blonde?" Sylvan asked.  
"Shut up. I'll have you know I was a brilliant military leader in my time. Now, I think I am about to be brilliant."  
" 'Your time' being the key words there. Okay, now, how are you going to be brilliant?"  
"I have a brilliant idea to get Drizzt to sober up! And it might just be efficacious! Nice vocabulary word, don't you think?"  
"Rather long. But anyway, you said you're going to be brilliant. So spill it!" Sylvan said, growing annoyed. Haldir flinched and hid behind the laptop, which he was using to quiz the only female in the room.  
"You know how people say when someone gets drunk you give them strong black coffee?"  
"Yes.and?"  
"Well he got drunk on strong black coffee, right?"  
  
"Yes."  
"So if we give him alcohol."  
"Then he will sober up!" Sylvan clapped. "Yay, brilliant idea. Despite your blondeness. No, I don't think that 'blondeness' is a word." She pulled up Drizzt and threw him at Haldir. "Come, we must go to the kitchen." Sylvan then left the room. Haldir rose, grabbing Drizzt's wrist and following Sylvan. Once in the kitchen Haldir forced Drizzt down into a chair.  
"Coffee?" Drizzt asked.  
"NO!" Haldir and Sylvan said concomitantly (and together, too!). Drizzt whimpered before getting hit over the head again with a pillow thanks to Sylvan. Haldir went to the smaller refrigerator and Sylvan climbed onto the counter, looking through the cabinets. She found a large bottle of peppermint schnapps and jumped down to the ground.  
"I found schnapps," she said, putting the bottle on the table. Haldir pulled two bottles out of the little refrigerator.  
"And I found some bock." For a moment Sylvan and Haldir looked at each other.  
"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Sylvan asked.  
"Well if you are thinking that what I'm thinking is what I think you're thinking I'm thinking then we're thinking the same thoughts," Haldir replied. Sylvan sorted through Haldir's sentence then smiled. Poor Drizzt was trying to figure out if Haldir's sentence worked out algebraically but wound up with X=2(4/3y)(9b+5)+88%, and he knew that could not be correct. Giving up, Drizzt curled up into a ball in his chair and began to sing Yellow Submarine. Haldir and Sylvan looked at each other, grinning.  
"Suicide!" they yelled simultaneously (and at the same time, too!), thus popping Drizzt's happy bubble. Sylvan went to get three glasses from the cabinets, one particularly large one for the drunken Drow and two that were half the size of the large one for herself and Haldir. In the mean time, Haldir was busy playing with the new fangled can opener that also happened to open bottles. Sylvan put the glasses on the table then went over to help Haldir. After opening the bottles they went to sit at the table in chairs on either side of Drizzt.  
"So. What should the ratio be?" Haldir asked, giving Drizzt the bottle caps to play with.  
"2-1, bock-schnapps, should be good. We don't want the peppermint to be too overpowering."  
"Sounds good to me." Haldir looked at Drizzt, suddenly jumping up. "Oh, for the love of my pointed ears! Drizzt, get the Allfather forsaken bottle caps out of your mouth!" He pinned Drizzt to the back of the chair and pried his mouth open. Sylvan then got the bottle caps out of Drizzt's mouth before he decided that they would be a swell midnight.erm.0dark30 snack. Afterwards Haldir threw away the bottle caps and the two sober members of the party sat back down.  
"Now, to pour," Sylvan sighed. She opened the rather large bottle of schnapps and poured her own and Haldir's glasses first before emptying the last of the bottle into Drizzt's glass. "And I am brilliant. A perfect third for each glass."  
"Bravo. Now we know why you are passing algebra," Haldir said. He then topped of the glasses with amber bock.  
"Oooh.pretty fizz," Drizzt said, poking the head.  
"Stop that!" Sylvan scolded, whapping Drizzt with a pillow once again.  
"Hey, Sylvan, where do you keep getting that pillow from?" Haldir asked. Sylvan just shrugged.  
"Let's just blame it on quantum physics." Drizzt made a poking motion and little waves appeared in the air.  
"The atoms are moving due to the waves of his existence.that we really can blame on quantum physics!" Haldir said, then wondered where he came up with such information. Sylvan whapped Drizzt again for the fun of it then lifted her glass.  
"To excess," she said.  
"To excess," Haldir said, raising his own glass. Drizzt sniffed his drink.  
"Am I supposed to drink this?" he asked, thus ruining the moment.  
"Yes, Drizzt angel, you're supposed to drink it." Suddenly, and with rather frightening ease, Sylvan assumed the tone of voice that kindergarten teachers use when placating a five-year-old. It seemed to work on the Drow because he picked up his glass and began to slurp it.  
"You did that entirely too easily," Haldir commented. Sylvan shuddered.  
"I know, scary wasn't it?"  
"Here, here!" Drizzt started to talk to his drink, drawing a stare from the blonde and the human. Sylvan looked at Haldir and Haldir looked back at Sylvan. They both shrugged then started on their own drinks.  
"Ok.this is good," Haldir said. Sylvan downed half her drink.  
"I agree. Despite the fact that I am seven years under aged."  
"That's not too much. Elven time scale I mean."  
"But does it work out algebraically?" Drizzt asked, becoming more sober. All in all, by the time they had finished their drinks (which, strangely enough, got Drizzt sober once more) it was 0400.  
  
As I said in the beginning- please feedback! *adorable puppy face* Haldir: Sylvan, you look like a frog Sylvan: Drizzt: How come I can't do that? Sylvan: Shut up all of you. Both Elves: Yes, Sylvan. 


	3. In Which Occurs Mass Confusion

Disclaimer: Look back at the other two chapters. If they belong to someone else they are obviously not mine.  
  
Huzzah! I got reviewed! Okay so it was only one, but hey! One is more than 0...so to my 1 reviewer:  
  
xXHaldirsWhore_69Xx: Thanks, I was hoping someone would enjoy my rather boring sense of humour. I'll try to get more drunkeness in, but it will have to be in another story as this one is prewritten, I'm just uploading chapters---putting on the replies before I do so. And the pillows.hehe.it's an addiction. That and I don't want to cut up my muses.  
  
CH III: 0400-0429  
  
"Okay," Sylvan said, settling back down in her desk chair. Haldir flopped on Sylvan's bed, and Drizzt was laying completely flat on his bed suffering a hangover. "On with chapter fourteen." She loaded a study guide from the disc and handed the laptop to Haldir.  
"What is the cube root of pi?"  
"Hal-diiiiiiiruh!" Sylvan whined. The noise made Drizzt's head throb even more and he moaned. Which resulted in Haldir (surprisingly) throwing the pillow that impacted with Drizzt's face.  
"Fine, fine, fine. Okay. Question one: in what era did Homo sapiens appear?"  
"The Arachnophobic Era?" Drizzt said, managing to roll over.  
"I wasn't talking to you," Haldir growled (moody, huh?), the pillow suddenly reappearing in his hand to be thrown, yet again, at the poor Drow. "Besides, even one of diminutive mental prowess, such as yourself, should know the answer to that question."  
"Arachnophobia (fear of spiders)? Isn't that the fear of cats (ailurophobia)?" Sylvan asked.  
"No, that's agoraphobia (fear of open spaces)," Haldir said.  
"No, agoraphobia is the fear of garlic (alliumphobia)," Drizzt said.  
"That's aulophobia (fear of flutes)," Sylvan said.  
"But I thought aulophobia was the fear of bathing (ablutophobia)?" Haldir asked.  
"No, because the fear of bathing is alectorophobia (fear of chickens)," Sylvan countered.  
"Wrong again. Alectorophobia is the fear of numbers (arithmophobia)," Drizzt said with a smile.  
"That can't be right," Haldir said. "Because the fear of numbers is androphobia (fear of men). But speaking of numbers, what number is this?"  
"Nine I think," Sylvan wondered aloud.  
"You wish!" Drizzt said, ignoring Haldir's question and Sylvan's answer. "Androphobia is the fear of crossing the street (agyrophobia)."  
"But that's arachibutyrophobia!" Sylvan exclaimed, and Haldir cracked up.  
"Sylvan you're an airhead! That's the fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth!" the blonde Elf said. Sylvan grabbed her laptop, hooking it up to the Internet. She looked it up at Time.com's "Phobias from A to Z".  
"Well glue on a beard and call me a dwarf!" she exclaimed. "The good Marchwarden is right! It is the fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth!" Haldir smiled smugly, receiving a blow on the head with a pillow from Drizzt. However, getting up far enough to actually hit Haldir had given him one helluva headache so he plopped back down on the bed with a groan.  
"I would really rather not," Haldir said. "Besides, how did we get from the Cenozoic Era to arachibutyrophobia?"  
"Talking about arachnophobia being the fear of toads (bufonophobia) or something," Drizzt said.  
"But I thought that the fear of toads was ballistophobia (fear of missiles and/or bullets)," Haldir remarked.  
"Oh, Allfather.here we go again!" Sylvan groaned.  
"What?" both Elves said concurrently (all at the same time, too!).  
"Arguing about phobias. Really, I have to study. Please, just give me one more hour," Sylvan pleaded.  
"Okay. Let's take this from the top," Haldir said. "Question two: what was the era in which dinosaurs appeared and reptiles were the dominant land animal?"  
"The Myxophobic Era?" Sylvan asked.  
"Allfather." Drizzt whimpered, knowing that the mass confusion (I am so big on that, aren't I? Now.what was I saying? Oh yes.mass confusion) was about to start again.  
"Mesozoic Era you silly round-eared, short-lived female. Hey, does anyone know what myxophobia (the fear of slime) is anyways?" Haldir asked, thwapping the aforementioned round-ears nonchalantly.  
"The fear of stepmothers (novercaphobia) if I'm not too mistaken," Drizzt said, deciding to forget his worries about mass confusion.  
"But I thought the fear of stepmothers was opthalmophobia (fear of being stared at)?" Haldir said.  
"No, because opthalmophobia is the fear of," she started to giggle. "We're doing it again!"  
"Well you started it," Haldir said, whiningly.  
"Oh I did not," Sylvan said.  
"Did to," Haldir said.  
"Don't you mean 'did too'?" Drizzt asked.  
"What? What did I say?" Haldir asked.  
"Did to," Sylvan said.  
"Oh. You're right, Drizzt. I meant 'did too'," Haldir said.  
"Did not!" Drizzt countered.  
"Children!" Sylvan shouted. "I am a mortal. I am just 14. Drizzt, you are the youngest of the two Elves in the room and you are still a good four. five hundred years older than I am. Would someone care to explain to me why I am being the mature one at the moment?"  
There was no answer from either Elf.  
"I thought so. Now, can we please get back to studying?"  
"Yes, Sylvan," the males said.  
With that they went back to studying, actually getting to Chapter 20 without anymore problems, aside from the occasional insult.  
"Spider-kisser," Haldir muttered at Drizzt.  
"Sunface," Drizzt shot back, a little too loudly.  
"Boys." Sylvan said, assuming a menacing tone. Both elves looked up innocently, receiving a glare from Sylvan.  
"Yes, Sylvan."  
  
I had the most fun with that. Once again, this story is pre-written. Geesh, I hate being redundant. Anyways.questions? Comments? Rude remarks? Hopes, dreams, desires? You know what to do! 


	4. In Which An Elf Gets His Mouth Washed Ou...

Disclaimer: This is no longer a disclaimer, but a threat. They are not mine, just my muses. And no matter how much I love them, feed them, put clothes on their backs and a roof over their head, they are not mine. Stupid authors.leaving their characters to fend for themselves.  
  
CH IV: 0430-0439  
  
"Hey, Syl-syl," Drizzt said.  
"Sylvan," Sylvan pointedly corrected.  
"Oh, sorry. Sylvan."  
"What d'ya need, Drizzt angel."  
"Where are you getting angel from?" Haldir asked. "I'm the blonde one, here. You're supposed to love me, not him!" At this comment Sylvan stood and went over to hug Haldir.  
"Better now?" Sylvan asked, sitting on the bed beside him.  
"Yes. Thank you. Drizzt, you may continue."  
"Do you love me too, Sylvan?" Drizzt asked, sniffling. Sylvan sighed and went to hug Drizzt as well.  
"I love you both. Now, are we going to study, sit around acting like a bunch of idiots, or are you going to tell me what you wanted, Drizzt?"  
"All three at some point," Haldir said, resulting in the point of his ear being thwacked by Sylvan who had returned to her place at the desk.  
"I forgot." Drizzt said.  
"Damn," Haldir said. Sylvan whipped around in her chair, hitting her elbow in the process.  
"What did you say?!" she asked menacingly.  
"I.said.um.I said dang. Yeah, that's it." Drizzt looked at Sylvan and saw that her green eyes were no longer green, but a shade of red as well as her face. He then hid beneath the blankets of his bed.  
"I may have lost the use of one arm due to hitting a pressure point," Sylvan said, "but that does not effect me being able to understand what you say. Nor does it affect my ability to know when you're lying. Besides, you always have this need to confirm yourself when you lie. So now I will have to punish you, which I was not intent on doing until you lied to me."  
"Oh.n-n-no," Haldir whimpered, sinking down into the bed and trying to look as adorable as possible. "I'm s-s-sorry S-sylvan."  
"Too late," Sylvan said, pulling Haldir into a sitting position by his shoulders. "Now. As punishment for both your lying and swearing, you will get your mouth washed out with soap."  
"Being an Elf with heightened senses, I do not envy you my blonde- headed friend," Drizzt said, poking his head out from under the blankets before going to hide again since he saw Sylvan advancing toward him.  
"And you, I want you to get the soap with which I shall clean out Haldir's mouth. What is more appropriate for his crimes than lie soap?" Sylvan said, then started to cackle evilly.  
"Don't you mean lye soap?" Drizzt asked, once again poking out from under his blankets. Sylvan turned to eye him, her eyes having returned to a normal colour.  
"What? What did I say?"  
"Lie soap," Haldir said.  
"Oh, yes, thank you Drizzt. I did mean lye soap," Sylvan said.  
"Did not," Drizzt said. Sylvan nearly dropped Haldir because she was glaring so hard at Drizzt.  
"Don't start with me, Drizzt Do'Urden, Daermon N'a'shezbaernon, son of Zaknafein Do'Urden, Daermon N'a'shezbaernon," she said. Drizzt flinched and whimpered. Sylvan had used his first and last name, as well as his family's historic name, as well as adding the 'son of' bit. That was never a good thing.  
"Sorry, Sylvan. Forgive me?" he asked.  
"Forgiven," Sylvan said with a shrug, dropping Haldir. The Marchwarden fell back on the bed with an 'oof'. Drizzt left the room to go find some lye soap. "Now, you," she said, looking at Haldir again. "Up."  
Haldir nodded obediently and got up, then looked at Sylvan. Her eyes were still their usual green colour and her face was now back to it's usual colour. However, he was too bright to miss the deadly calm of her voice.  
"Now," Sylvan said, "march to the bathroom. Do not get out of step." Haldir nodded blankly, then turned to go. "I can't hear your head rattle, Elf. And I didn't dismiss you, either." Haldir turned back.  
"Yes, ma'am?" he offered meekly.  
"Come on, boy, you've been in the army. I can't hear you!"  
"Yes, ma'am!"  
"What did you say?"  
"MA'AM, YES, MA'AM!" Haldir shouted, suddenly getting this weird feeling of deja vu. His mind drifted back to his days in boot camp.  
"You are in the Elven Army, now, little Elflings. You're going to learn to walk, talk, and act like a real Elf. Is that understood?"  
"SIR, YES, SIR!" the unit yelled. Haldir, however, had not spoken.  
"Got something wrong with your voice, maggot?" Haldir shook his head numbly. "I can't hear your head rattle, boy."  
"No, sir?"  
"What did you say boy?"  
"No, sir!"  
"I can't hear you!"  
"SIR NO SIR!" .Haldir shook his head and came back to the present, and looked into the eyes of Sylvan, who was glaring at him.  
"Bathroom. March. Now."  
"Yes ma'am!" Haldir said automatically, turning perfectly and marching to the bathroom.  
Once in the bathroom, Sylvan made Haldir sit down on the edge of the bathtub. Drizzt soon appeared with lye soap. The Drow handed the bar to Sylvan. She turned on the hot water faucet and began to soften the soap.  
"Which one is your toothbrush, Haldir?" Sylvan asked.  
"The olive drab one, ma'am," Haldir said clearly.  
"Oh, I've always had a soft spot for olive drab. Where'd you get it?"  
"Well, the dentist gave it to me and it was originally just the blue rubber stuff. I just got some paint and made it OD."  
"Really? Could you make mine OD but paint my name on it for me?"  
"Sure, no problem," Haldir said.  
"Aren't you supposed to be punishing him?" Drizzt asked  
"Oh, yes!" Sylvan said, picking up the toothbrush and lathering up the bristles with the soap. "Now," she said, handing the toothbrush to Haldir, "over to the sink." Sylvan had gotten that evil tone in her voice again, and Haldir did not want to risk disobeying. Sylvan could tend to be rather violent when angered, and he did not feel like having to sleep with one eye open the next night.  
"Permission to leave the bathroom?" Drizzt asked.  
"Granted," Sylvan said. She waved her hand permissively. Drizzt immediately left and went back to the bedroom.  
"Your next orders, ma'am?" Haldir asked, fearing the answer.  
"Brush."  
Haldir put the brush in his mouth and found that lye soap had a surprisingly nice taste. He made a mental note to himself about that in case it ever came to a life-or-death situation, but pretended to hate his punishment anyway. Sylvan made him make his mouth good and foamy before allowing him to rinse his mouth with water. She then made him do it again.  
After his punishment, Haldir turned to face Sylvan again. She was smiling. That was somewhat scary as only a moment before she had been burning a hole in the back of his head she was glaring so hard.  
"Next orders, ma'am?" Haldir asked.  
"Tell me: did you learn your lesson?" Sylvan asked cheerily.  
"Yes, ma'am."  
"Then quit calling me 'ma'am'!" Sylvan said, throwing her arms around Haldir and hugging him, once again leaving him to wonder if she would push a rib through a lung. "You're forgiven." With that she let go.  
"Thanks, Sylvan," Haldir said, regaining his breath. He offered Sylvan his arm and they walked together back to the room.  
  
Love it? Hate it? Thanks once again to all my reviewers. Now, if you would like to see the next chapter.well.you know what to do :) 


	5. In Which An Elf Gets High

Disclaimer: too lazy to write it all out. Use common sense...if I do not own them they are not mine  
  
Thankies! I got 3 reviews but I have a strange suspicion that two were  
from the same person...odd, right? I thought so. Anyways...  
Writer From Rivendell: I know, right? Oh well, at least I have FOUR  
reviews now...yay :) I agree, it is strange, but that's just me...I'm  
a strange individual. Thankies for your sincerity about my  
writing...I'm currently working on another fic...which I might just  
have the first chapter written to soon I hope. So, hope you  
enjoy!  
loz h da orli lover: You love me, you really love me! Glad to know  
some one else has the same strange sense of humour I have... :)  
Elendrila: thank you much.  
  
And I assure you all....though my 1st fic is almost finished...I am  
not done with my insanity...YET! *laughs manically*  
  
CH V: 0440-0459  
  
"Okay. What chapter are we on?" Drizzt asked. They had not done a chapter in the past ten minutes, but due to Haldir's ordeal with the lye soap he could not remember where they were.  
"Chapter 21 I think," Sylvan said.  
"Yeah, that sounds right," Haldir said. He rolled over, becoming more comfortable on Sylvan's bed than what would be considered normal. Sylvan jumped over onto Drizzt's bed, accidentally landing a foot in his stomach, and pulled up the Chapter 21 study guide. Drizzt began to cough.  
"Oops...sorry, Drizzt angel. Quiz me," Sylvan said.  
"S'ok," Drizzt said. He began to ask his question when Haldir interrupted, holding a stick of incense.  
"What's this, Sylvan?" he asked, sniffing it. "I've never smelled this kind before." Sylvan jumped over onto her bed. She then proceeded to sniff the incense.  
"Mmmm.opium incense. I can burn it if you'd like. It smells really good and may help me study."  
"Well, if it's okay?"  
"Please, Sylvan. I've never smelled opium incense before. I've smelled the dragon's blood and patchouli flower, but never opium. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?" Drizzt asked, bouncing up and down on his bed. He quit bouncing since hitting his head on the bottom of Haldir's bed was particularly painful.  
"Okay, okay, okay," Sylvan said. She put the stick in the burner then lit it, waiting for the tip of the incense to glow before blowing out the fire. "There. Now it will start to smell really good in here after a few minutes."  
Three minutes, or two and a half questions later, Drizzt noticed the blank look on Haldir's face. He paused, mid question, and motioned for Sylvan to look at Haldir.  
"Oh. No," she said, getting up and going to sit on the bed beside Haldir. "Haldir? Are you okay?"  
"What do you mean, am I okay? Of course I'm okay. Why is Drizzt's head dissolving up into the air?"  
"What?" Drizzt asked, touching his head to make sure it was all still there. Sylvan hit her head on the wall.  
"No. This is not cool. Not cool in the least," she said. She pinched the ember from the incense, putting it out. "Ouch! Owie owie owie. Note to self: incense is hot when burning (and Haldir is supposed to be the blonde here)."  
"What isn't cool?" Drizzt asked. He felt better now, knowing that all of his anatomy was still in place.  
"He's baked," Sylvan moaned.  
"Sylvan, why do you have three eyes?" Haldir asked, smiling. Sylvan got a pillow.  
"Un-stone-your-self-you-sil-ly-blonde!" she said, hitting Haldir over the head with the pillow with every syllable (looks familiar, doesn't it?)  
"What does 'baked' mean, Sylvan?" Drizzt asked.  
"Okay, down in Menzo: do they have any sort of drug that makes you hallucinate?"  
"Yes..." Drizzt replied slowly, wondering where this was headed.  
"Okay. Well, here on Terra we have these things called hallucinogenics. And opium is a type of hallucinogenic."  
"So you're incense is made of opium?" Drizzt asked. Haldir had a serene, happy look on his face. He then jolted upright and grabbed for a bow that wasn't there, drawing invisible arrows from an invisible quiver and shooting at things and ducking oncoming things.  
"Orcs! Where in the name of the Allfather are my brothers? Orophin and Rumil are so going to get it when I get done with them..." Haldir said, still shooting nonexistent arrows.  
"No, not made of opium, but it apparently smells so much like opium, and the fact that he has Elven senses does not help, it is getting him stoned. Well, 'has gotten' really."  
"Stoned?" Drizzt asked.  
"Yeah. Same thing as baked," Sylvan explained.  
"Baked?"  
"It's making him hallucinate, okay?" Sylvan said, becoming frustrated.  
"Okay, okay. Unfrustrate thyself. No, that's not a word and don't ask me why I said 'thyself'. So, what do we do and why is this not affecting me?" Drizzt asked. Haldir looked at Drizzt and screamed, looking frantically for more arrows.  
"Drow, Drow, evil. Evilevilevil," Haldir paused, a looked of wonderment on his face. "Hey, he's melting." Sylvan absently pushed Haldir back onto the bed and he started to giggle for no particular reason.  
"I guess it's not affecting you because you're a Drow. Must be some sort of natural immunity to hallucinogenics," Sylvan said. "Anyway, you're the one from old Menzo. You tell me what to do." Drizzt got up, hitting his head on the bunk bed, then went to the closet and got out an old pack of his. He pulled out a large black book with weird runes on it. "What is that?"  
"Drow medicine book. Includes poisons and their antidotes. I'll see what I can do," Drizzt said, flipping to the index. "How is 'opium' spelled?"  
"O-p-i-u-m," Sylvan said. Drizzt translated it in his head.  
"Hey! That exists!" the Drow said. He flipped to the page opium was on and looked at the antidote. "Apparently, for each milligram consumed, the victim drinks one teaspoon of cough syrup."  
"Gross. And poor Halsie.after me washing his mouth out with soap five minutes ago." Sylvan cradled Haldir, who had curled up into a ball and was whimpering something about little spider-Elves (not Driders because they were made from surface Elves) trying to eat him. "I feel so guilty," she said.  
"Yes, but we are curing him of his bakedness, erm, stonage, I mean...we're making him quit hallucinating. Besides, he's going on about Driders now so we had better hurry before he sees Lolth herself."  
"He is not seeing Driders," Sylvan said matter-of-factly, dropping Haldir to cross her arms over her chest.  
"How do you know that? Half Drow, half spider. A Drider."  
"Yes, but he's seeing surface Elves mixed with spiders. So they can't be Driders (besides, didn't he see the parentheses up there?). " Sylvan then began converting minutes of inhaled smoke to milligrams as Drizzt went to get some cough syrup from the medicine cabinet.  
"Scary spider things. Oh, great, now Rumil and Orophin come. Just in time to see me freak out over the scary spider things that want to eat me for their lunch." Drizzt had by then returned with the medicine.  
"It's cherry flavoured and is supposed to help you sleep, but I think it will pretty much serve the purpose," he said. Sylvan sat on her knees on Haldir's legs, thus causing him to whimper and reach for a nonexistent knife.  
"Halsie, can you hear me?" Once again, and with just as frightening ease, Sylvan assumed her kindergarten teacher voice.  
"Scary brown-haired lady. Has sharp teeth and bulgy eyes. Please don't eat me scary brown-haired lady."  
"I'm not going to eat you," Sylvan assured. "I'm here to help you. Do you want all the scary things to go away?"  
"Uh-huh," Haldir whimpered.  
"Okay. Hold on a second," she said, grabbing the bottle from Drizzt. "Gross! He has to drink the whole thing, by my reckoning!" Sylvan then got off of Haldir's legs and, with Drizzt's help, pulled the Marchwarden into a sitting position. Drizzt opened the bottle and handed it to Sylvan.  
"Drow!" Haldir screeched, seeing Drizzt again. He threw his hands over his head, trying to hide.  
"Haldir," Sylvan said, going back to her kindergarten voice. "If you drink this the evil Drow will go away, as well as all the scary things."  
"Including the scary spider-Elf things that want to eat me?"  
"Yes. Including the scary spider-Elf things that want to eat you," Sylvan promised. Haldir reached for the bottle of cough syrup.  
"I'm telling you, those things are Driders," Drizzt said.  
"We'll just see about that," Sylvan said, suddenly pulling the bottle out of Haldir's reach and capping it. "Halsie, tell me what type of Elves the spider-Elf things are made of."  
"Normal Elves from where I come from," Haldir answered, reaching again for the bottle, which Sylvan opened and gave to him.  
"Told you so," Sylvan said haughtily. Haldir chugged all of the cough syrup by the time Sylvan's father had gotten up for work.  
"Oh shazbot. That's my Dad. Come on, help me get Haldir into his bed. We have to pretend we are asleep!" Sylvan whispered urgently. Drizzt lifted Haldir and threw him unceremoniously on the top bunk. Sylvan shut down the laptop and put it back on her desk, then turned out the light and got back into bed. Her Dad came into the room, whispered something Sylvan didn't understand, then left the room. Too tired to get back up, Sylvan decided to go back to sleep.  
  
I had fun writing that. Getting Haldir high is just entirely too much fun. Must remember to do that in a later fic. Anyways, you all know the best way to make me happy... REVIEW! 


	6. In Which Sylvan Gets Her Grade

Disclaimer: I do not own anything except my mind and this story line muahahahahahahaha  
  
CH VI: 1630 and 22 Seconds  
Sylvan bounced into her room, throwing open the door and shaking the Elves awake. Drizzt groaned and swatted at Sylvan, whose bouncing saved her from getting slapped in the leg.  
"I took my exam exam exam!" Sylvan said happily. Haldir opened one eye.  
"Huzzah," he said dryly.  
"I agree. Huzzah," Drizzt said, rolling over and swatting yet again at Sylvan. This time he did not miss and ended up knocking her down on her bed.  
"Thank you both soooooooooooooooooooooooo much!" she said.  
"Why?" Drizzt asked.  
"What did we do?" Haldir asked.  
"You two helped me study and because of y'all I got a ninety- ninety- ninety-seven!" Sylvan announced, flopping over onto her stomach and shoving the test paper into Drizzt's face.  
"What do you know, she passed," Drizzt said, passing the paper up to Haldir.  
"Excellent," Haldir said. Sylvan was on her bed, sitting up with her legs crossed but still bouncing.  
"But really. Thank you both 'cause I know it was really in inconvenience for y'all to have to get up at 0300 and stay up with me to study but with out y'all I really couldn't've done it," Sylvan said all in one breath.  
"Oh it was nothing," Drizzt said. "After all, I only got beaten over the head with a pillow, discovered I could get drunk on coffee, and discovered that hangovers are really painful."  
"Yeah, and I'll I suffered was getting my mouth washed out with soap and getting high off of incense. No big deal," Haldir said with a shrug.  
"You're trying to guilt me, aren't y'all?" Sylvan asked. Drizzt and Haldir looked at each other.  
"No, of course we aren't Sylvan, nothing like that." they both began to say.  
"Well, That's good because if you were I wouldn't take y'all with me tonight."  
"Where are you going?" Haldir asked, becoming interested now.  
"Oh, just a girlfriend and I are going to the mall to celebrate. We both made 'A's on our science exams and I figured that I should let you two come along for helping me."  
"Oh," Haldir said. He became uninterested immediately.  
"Girlfriend? I didn't know you were that way," Drizzt said. Sylvan seized a pillow and threw it at Drizzt.  
"No, girlfriend as in best friend. Blondie Wall. We were just going to get some money from our adults to grab something to eat and then buy some movie tickets.then go movie hopping."  
"Oh, okay," Drizzt said.  
"Did you say movie hopping?" Haldir said.  
"Yeah," Sylvan said.  
"Is that anything like concert hopping? You buy one ticket but go around from concert to concert because you're already in the auditoriums?"  
"Exact concept, Haldir my boy," Sylvan said. "You would be an excellent hopper."  
"Well, if he's going I have to go too. Don't think I don't know what's going on between the both of you," Drizzt said, receiving a glare from Sylvan and Haldir.  
"Nothing is going on, Drow, understood?" Sylvan said, her eyes turning red once again. Drizzt tried to hide under his blankets.  
"Understood, Sylvan ma'am," he said.  
"But you can still come with us. We're going at eighteen hundred hours."  
"I want to go!" Haldir said.  
"Will it be fun?" Drizzt asked.  
"Duh," Sylvan said. "Just say yes."  
"Yes."  
"Okay you're coming. So: what movies shall we see?"  
"NO CHICKFLICKS!" the males said together (simultaneously, too!).  
"Oh, come on. You both know you like them. Amanda and I had considered hopping A Walk To Remember," Sylvan said. "Besides. We're going to go see some G&G (guts and gore.like Braveheart) movies too."  
"G&G?" Drizzt asked.  
"Guts and gore (did he not see the parentheses?). Good stuff. Shut up and don't argue," Haldir said, his eyes getting big. "Promise? I'll go with you to see A Walk To Remember if you'll take me to a good G&G movie."  
"You're sick," Drizzt said. "Can we go see The Two Towers. I want to see the guy that plays Haldir make Haldir die."  
"NO!" Haldir said.  
"Only if you will go with Haldir, Blondie, and I to see AWTR."  
"I'll go! I just want to make fun of Haldir."  
"Noooo.." Haldir groaned. "He always makes fun of me every time you watch FotR. Please don't, Sylvan."  
"Okay, we'll go see TTT," Sylvan said.  
"No fair." Haldir moaned. "How come they can't make a movie about his life and do something increasingly wrong, like kill him, in it?" Drizzt smiled triumphantly.  
"We'll go on one condition: no making fun of Haldir. The only reason he hasn't beaten the heck out of you for it is because I told him that if he did I would cut his hair in his sleep. Unevenly," Sylvan said. At this thought both Elves flinched.  
"So I take it that if I make fun of him this time you will allow him to sit on me or something?"  
"I AM NOT FAT!" Haldir screeched.  
"That was included. Haldir, feel free to hurt him."  
"No, Sylvan! Protect me! I'm sorry Haldir, I know you're not fat. They just chose a rather large guy to portray you in the movies."  
"Thank you," Haldir said, returning to his bed.  
"Do you swear on your scimitars not to make fun of Haldir?"  
"I swear," Drizzt said, ducking in case Haldir had a muscle spasm in his arm and his head just happened to be in the way.  
"Okay. Now, get dressed in something decent. Yes, Drizzt, you can wear my Doors t-shirt. We're going to the mall!"  
So, at 1800 hours, 10 minutes, and 36 seconds Blondie met them at the mall and they proceeded to get something to eat then go movie hopping.  
"Hey, cool! He looks just like you, Haldir!"  
"Drizzt." Sylvan warned. Haldir squared his shoulders and glared menacingly.  
"Except for the fact that he holds his bow entirely wrong and."  
  
Congratulations! You are the 100th visitor to this site! If you will just click the little purple box at the bottom you will receive your prize! Okay, so you will really leave me a review, but do that anyways and I might just be nice to you. ( 


	7. Chapter 7, an Authors Note

CH VII: Authors Note  
  
My apologies to all my fans out there. This chapter could not be written due to lack of funds. Either that or my keyboard is on the ritz.BUT ANYWAY! This chapter could not be written due to lack of funding. The penname 'Sylvan' will be filing for bankruptcy to see what it would do... This message will self destruct in 10...9...8...7... 


	8. In Which History Repeats

Disclaimer: Haldir is property of JRR Tolkein or whoever inherited the Tolkein estate. Drizzt is property of RA Salvatore and I am jealous. But I do love them and take care of them. And I assure you, they love me as well.  
  
A/N: Okay, so the record is 6 reviews....wow.......I guess its not bad as I have just started to be a fic writer...& I am now accepting plot bunnies! Now...I give you the last chapter  
  
CH VIII: Two Nights Afterwards  
Sylvan groaned and rolled over to look at her clock. Once again she struggled to read the Roman numerals.  
"0200!" she said. "Leave it to me to always wake up early." All the noise woke the Drow sleeping in the bottom bunk.  
"Sylvaaaaaaaan! Go back to sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!" he whined.  
"Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! Quit whiniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing!" Sylvan replied, rolling over. All the noise woke the blonde Elf sleeping in the top bunk.  
"Manko." he stopped mid word. "You have an exam tomorrow, don't you Sylvan?" Haldir asked. This all seemed very, very familiar.  
"SPANISH EXAM!" Sylvan shouted. When she shot up she actually remembered to hold the blankets over herself.  
"I'll make the coffee," Drizzt offered.  
"No!" Haldir and Sylvan shouted as one (in sync, too!). It would be a very long night. Again.  
  
Well, that's it folks. I hope you enjoyed! I certainly had fun writing it. If you only had half as much fun reading it as I had writing it, that means I had twice as much fun as you did.hehe. Well, if you have any final questions, comments, rude remarks, hopes, dreams, or desires (or if you want to give me funds so I can write chapter 7 lol) please click the little purple button :) I love you all :) 


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